F.A.R.T.S. - The Swallowed Wedding Ring

F.A.R.T.S.:

As some of you know, I'm an art teacher for an inner city school. It's crazy in general, but this was really off the wall. The other day, one of the fifth graders came in to school very distraught. His teacher sent him to the guidance counselor because he wouldn't talk to her about what was bothering him. The boy lives with his dad, as his parents are divorced. The boy told the counselor that he was upset because his father was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, and the boy didn't like Dad's girlfriend. "It's ok, though..." he said to the counselor, "they can't get married now." The counselor asked why and the boy replied, "Because I swallowed the ring this morning!" So the counselor had to call the father and explain and now they have to monitor, um, his bowel movements to retrieve the ring. He's going to be okay, but I'm sure the father and his bride-to-be are not very happy.

It sounds like a sitcom, but I swear this really happened. Truth is stranger than fiction.

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New Story From 5th Grade Teacher: Germ Intestine

One day a few weeks ago I was taking my third graders to the bathroom and one of the boys starts coughing and spitting and making all kinds of noises. I said, "What's the matter??" and he said, "Can I go rinse my mouth out? There's something gross in it!" So, of course, I told him to go. He comes back out of the bathroom and the conversation went like this:

Me: "What was in your mouth?"
him: "Germ intestine."
Me: "Germ intestine? What's that?"
him: "You know, that stuff in the bottle on your desk."
Me: "Hand sanitizer?"
him: "Yeah, that. It was on my hands and I got it in my mouth"